A Seed, A Transmission, A Beginning
Introducing Co·Awaken and the deeper truth of going for life before I feel ready.
Today I’m sharing the first shape of a project I’ve been working on — a website for Co·Awaken. It’s a simple beginning, the earliest seed of a transmission I’m here to bring through.
Before I go further into what it is, I want to name something true: this partnership and this family are where the real work happens. Opening to ever-deepening intimacy, becoming a father, staying in relationship through all the beauty and all the mess — these are the places where life has broken me open and remade me again and again.
In many ways, what I’m sharing today is three things at once: a seed, a transmission, and a beginning. And I wanted to share it while it’s still imperfect, still early, still forming.
Co·Awaken is the place where I’ll be exploring how intimacy and relationship wake us up to who we really are — and to the beauty that becomes possible when we live from that truth. This past year, I’ve shared early teachings, run small workshops, and held tea ceremonies in our home in Boulder. I can feel the work wanting to grow toward retreats and deeper containers.
This website is the first form to hold what wants to emerge: coawaken.com.
I. A Seed — Imperfect Beginnings, Disappointment, and Devotion
This week in tea, my teacher Mina offered a pointer: when we avoid disappointment, we also suppress the feeling that comes right before it. So I let myself feel disappointment — and alongside it, I sensed a tenderness in my belly and pelvis.
It was a kind of innocence — the innocence of wanting to really go for life.
It reminded me of my 13-month-old daughter Ember learning to walk these past couple weeks — how she throws her whole being into it, falls and cries, and then tries again without hesitation. No armor. Just devotion to the movement of life.
Disappointment has never been easy for me. As a child, my mom’s disappointment came paired with distance and punishment, not love. So I learned to avoid it.
And this past month, I could feel the deeper disappointment I’ve been skirting for a long time: the mismatch between the inner destiny I’ve sensed for years and the current outer shape of my life when it comes to my work.
That gap has meant that for few years, nothing I dreamt up ever seemed to match what I created in practice. The avoided disappointment became a dense loop in my body that kept me from moving. And yet, when I finally let myself feel it — really feel it — I could sense the devotion underneath.
I felt the yearning to fully go for life — and to go for it before I have everything sorted out.
This website emerges from that truth. It’s small and beautifully whole in its imperfection and incompleteness.
I’ve never embraced the movement of building in public before, and for the first time, I’m choosing to build in public — to let myself be seen in the not-knowing, to begin before I feel polished, to trust that what’s true now doesn’t need to be more than it is.
And as I built the site, something surprising happened.
For years, creating websites felt embarrassingly challenging despite by background as an engineer. Nothing ever quite matched my sense of beauty. The tools felt clunky. My expectations of what I wanted stripped the joy out of creating. My energy and motivation would collapse before I could finish.
But this time something shifted.
I created from joy — letting beauty lead, letting my engineering mind tinker playfully, letting my aesthetic sense shape each choice. I found a web design tool called Framer that felt fluid. Collaborating with Claude around typography, color, design and architectural choices felt like dancing intimately in a creative field rather than forcing an outcome.
I found myself building something I actually loved — and it reorganized something in me.
I realized that Co·Awaken won’t just be about the content I share. It will also be about how I create:
From devotion.
From beauty.
From truth.
From enjoyment rather than obligation.
From the willingness to be seen while still becoming.
II. The Transmission: What Co·Awaken Is Meant to Hold
Co·Awaken is a transmission.
It’s the stream of awakening that has reshaped me through partnership, intimacy, sexuality, fatherhood, the most intense plant medicines on the planet, and every doorway life has used to break me open and remake me again and again.
The website I’m sharing today is simply a first texture of that transmission — something life is asking me to place into the world even though I don’t yet know what it will become.
And it begins with what has transformed me most:
The way my partnership with
has been the fiercest, clearest mirror of my evolution.The way awakening happens through the body — through relationship — through the places that soften us and the places that challenge us.
The way every rupture, trigger, and moment of pain has actually been love, orchestrating my liberation.
It’s my attempt to share the architecture of awakening as it moves through partnership — the path of becoming more available to love, more honest with truth, and more devoted to beauty, even while I’m still learning how to hold it.
There’s a mystery to this moment that feels like an echo of the days leading up to Ember’s birth — driving to the hospital knowing everything was about to change, while having no way of imagining what fatherhood would feel like on the other side.
A faint version of that event-horizon quality is here.
I can’t see the full future of this work.
I can only feel my devotion to putting my life’s energy toward it — and to being intimate with its unfolding.
III. A Beginning — Revealed Exactly As It Is
So with all of that, here is the first visible shape of this transmission — a love letter to my partnership and to the life that has been working me:
A seed, a transmission, a beginning — revealed exactly as it is.
A beginning, nothing more — and nothing less.
I’m grateful, proud, and humbled to finally be stepping in.